International Services 國際新聞服務 Dog's Ugly Pageant

International Services 2nd Edition

國際新聞服務 第二炮！

您好! 歡迎收看國際新聞服務，由在下李白人為您服務。以下為本週新聞精選。

Greetings! Thanks for watching International Services! My name is Newhite. We have this week's news selections for you.


Dog’s Ugly Pageant

Beauty pageants are no big deal. Wait until you see an “ugly” pageant of dogs! In the 13th World Ugly Dog Pageant, held in the US, an Italian hairless dog won the championship. In the eyes of its master and the judges, this dog is indeed ugly, but in a cute way.

The dog, named Victoria, was held in her master’s arms. This is probably the highest point in her life so far. She is hairless, and a little bit cross-eyed. This is, in fact, her second time in the pageant. But last year, she wasn’t ugly enough, defeated by a Chihuahua from China.


Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀刀
http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080311/17/v2z2.html


Caution: Shit Before You Steal

In Ruifnag, a city one hour from Taipei, two thieves snuck some iron sticks from a construction site into the truck of their car. It was early in the morning, but were caught not long after the crime. One of them had the urge to empty his bowel, so they had to pull over. And the other one was so tired that he fell asleep in the car. When a couple of cops passed by in a police’s patrol car, they stopped to examine the suspicious car and caught them right on the spot.


What's the lesson here? Have your bowel movement before you steal.


Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀刀刀
http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080313/4/v7c8.html


1.2 Million for An Egg

People in Nottingham, England, spent ￡1.2 million in order to help “one” golden-eyed bird lay its eggs on a reserved area for highway.

The city had already outsourced the highway construction project when they found out that a golden-eyed bird also had its project—to lay eggs in a nest previously built. Golden-eyed birds are on the list of protected animals in England, so no one dares to touch them. The city had to increase its budget, having the contractor wait for another seven months and start the construction after the baby birds are all grown up.

Tree-huggers probably don't care about hugging money.


Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀
http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080313/1/v8mz.html




Hunger Virgin

A five-year-old boy in UK was born unable to know how it feels like to be hungry. His parents were so worried that they brought him to see doctors everywhere. Finally, with the help of his county, he came to Austria and learned how to be hungry. Before, he could only be fed involuntarily with a catheter and he always puked after being fed. After being treated in Austria, he finally knows how it feels like to be hungry and has his first meal with his own mouth.


Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀

http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080311/1/v2xe.html



感謝您本週的收看，下星期再見。
Thanks for watching. Have a great week, and I'll see you next week!

新聞國際服第一彈! International Service First Edition

Greetings! Welcome to International Service, First Edition. I am newhite.

Following is news of the week.


Heaven on Earth—Man’s Funeral with Strip Dancers


“Pa! You can grope from the coffin in you like!”
In a funeral in Taichung County yesterday, Mr. Tsai invited strip dancers as he promised his father, who was then 95 years old, that if he lived more than 100 years, he was going to have strip dancers at his funeral. His father died at 102. A promise is a promise!

"Everybody knew that my father loved this kinda stuff!”Papa Tsai often took trips around the island and to see strip dances. One time, he even traveled to Thailand for its world-famous“she-males.”

Before the funeral, Mr. Tsai, through a special ritual, asked his father if he still wanted to go with the strip dance idea. Ms. Tsai got three “affirmatives” from Papa Tsai in heaven. “Apparently, my dad insists that I do this for him.”

Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀刀


http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080305/2/uo7m.html



The Clay Dragon Identity

In a tourist market in JiaYi, two vendors selling “clay dragon” (a kind of Chinese medicine that’s really good for you in winter) are struggling with their identities.

Mrs. Clay Dragon and Uncle Clay Dragon are both clay dragon vendors, and their booths happen to be right next to each others’. To many’s surprise, they are actually NOT a couple.
Mrs. Clay Dragon eagerly attempts to get it straight for us, “Mrs. Clay Dragon is of course married to Mr. Clay Dragon! How could my husband be Uncle Clay Dragon? If you’re Uncle Clay Dragon’s wife, people call you Auntie Clay Dragon! Right?”


Thank you very much for the clarification.

Harmless Scale: 七刀刀


http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080304/17/ulwf.html



Hotel Room Comes with Real-Time Police Action

A small hotel located in the suburb of Seattle might look like a regular hotel, but its selling point is indeed special. Customers there can watch patrol police arresting illegal immigrants on the border first-hand!

The owner says,” Our customers say they are very excited. The police alarm goes off every 3 to 4 minutes.”

Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀
http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080305/17/uodj.html


Big Boobs A Problem In Relationship

A 30-year-old man in Chongqinq is 170 cm, but almost 90 kg. This man was introduced to a girl, who later became his girlfriend. But there’s one thing that the girl doesn’t like—the man is too fat.

His breasts are as big as hers. Some friends even say that he has bigger boobs, which totally pissed the girl off. So the girl issued an ultimatum—“Go through a “breast-shrinking surgery” or I ‘ll break up with you.” The man loved her too much, so he agreed to do it.

After the surgery, they are still very happy together. Apparently, the girl is very satisfied with the results.

Harmless Scale: 七刀刀刀刀刀刀

http://tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/a/080305/1/uorv.html

This is the International Services. Thanks for watching and have a great day.

【新】國際讀者服務 International Service!

大家好，在下姓李名白人，三月開始負責無害的英文翻譯。每週日精選數則中文頭條，翻譯成英文與各地朋友分享，另外會附上在下的”七刀”評論（一刀是還過得去，七刀為最高榮譽）。。林阿ㄇ指示在下今天要PO一篇自介。老實說我很不會自介，那我就利用以前小學最愛寫的畢業紀念冊的格式好了。

姓名：李白人
性別：女
年紀：夠老了
職業：口筆譯學生
興趣：口譯、筆譯、看卡通（尤其是忍者哈特利）
所在位置：美國加州（快要離開了，耶？）

謝謝大家對無害的支持與指教！很高興成為無害一員。

Hello there,

Call me Newhite (several ways to pronounce this: “new-hite”, “new-white” or “ne-white.” Feel free to pick one, or, your know, don’t pronounce it.) I’ve just been given the awesome opportunity to translate for Harmlesssssssstore. Harmless passages, including Taiwanese Headlines, translated by yours truly, will be uploaded every Sunday starting this March (SOON!!). And I am supposed to give you a brief self-intro, so here it is:

Name: Newhite （李白人）
Gender: Unmistakably female
Age: I’m passed legal drinking age, I’ll give you that
Occupation: Graduate student of Translation and Interpreting
Hobbies: Interpreting, translating, and watching cartoons
Location: California, USA

Thrilled to become Harmlesssss! Thank you for your support for Harmlesssss.